Brigadier Toni Lidder’s wife remembers the love of her life in a moving book. An extract
Geetika Lidder
He was rapidly developing a good rapport with the General and had started understanding many facets of his personality. At the same time, Mrs Rawat and I formed a wonderfully close bond. Genteel, simple, caring and concerned, she was easy to relate to. She would just call and have a casual conversation, ‘What have you cooked for lunch? Or ‘You will need to buy some suits, so let’s go to Dilli Haat.’ This humility endeared her to people. When it came to her work, she was very clear about what she wanted. She had her ideas about how she wanted a few things done as the president of the Defence Wives’ Welfare Association (DWWA). Her major contribution was to bring all the services under one roof. I think I mostly understood her requirements. She admired my way of independent functioning and the fact that I could make presentations and reports by myself without any support. In fact, she often joked that I was her one-woman army. After a short period, we understood each other even better and developed a comfortable rapport. The lady officers who were with Mrs Rawat also appreciated the way we all functioned together as a team. Here I must mention the contribution of Colonel Kavita Gusain and Colonel Aarti Chopra—both of them were Staff Officers to Mrs Rawat in succession. We have spent many wonderful times together under the umbrella of kindness created by our dear Mrs Rawat.
What I really admired about her was that she never complained about my unavailability in the morning. Usually, all senior ladies preferred to finish their charter of duties such as ladies’ meetings, social events, gatherings for coffee, and for the DWWA in the morning. But Mrs Rawat ensured that our meetings and ladies’ social events were held in the evenings. We would connect after 3 p.m. once I logged off work (we were still teaching online). Occasionally, I would take leave from school to be present at an important event. When I look back, I feel grateful to have known her so closely.
General and Mrs Rawat and Toni spent a lot of time together travelling for work. Every week they would go on at least two outstation trips. I would joke with Toni, ‘You travel to and fro to cities just as we go to Karol Bag.’ Once I was lucky enough to travel with them to the Czech Republic in November 2021. It was one of the most glamorous and memorable trips of my life, an amazing amalgamation of learning and fun. We saw the entire country, thanks to meticulous planning by the government of the Czech Republic. While the officers were attending official conferences, Mrs Rawat and I had our own programmes planned, such as visits to cultural places, museums, art galleries, churches, and markets. In the evenings, the entire delegation would meet for dinner and official banquets. This trip, unlike any other, gave me a peek into the country’s culture, history, arts and crafts, and cuisine. Travelling together with the Rawats brought me closer to both of them.
Toni and I did not accompany the delegation back home to India because Toni had asked for a short break of about six days. We travelled to Austria and Germany to celebrate the month of our silver anniversary. Austria was a dream for me since I really wanted to see the place where the composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was born, and the film The Sound of Music was shot. I was particularly impressed with Vienna and Salzburg, I loved Schonbrunn Place, Ringstrasse Vienna, the fortress and clock tower, Kunsthaus Graz, and the baroque architecture. Our next halt, Germany, was close to Toni’s heart since its military and political history excited the fauji in him. Together, we enjoyed being anonymous tourists after being feted as royalty in the Czech Republic.
Strangely, I hadn’t been keen on going for the Czech trip initially, but Toni had insisted. He said we would never get to see Europe in the manner that diplomatic travel would entail. Thankfully, I agreed because it was our last holiday together. It turned out to be as promising in reality as it had been in the planning stages. Mesmerizingly beautiful places, the best of diplomatic hospitality, the most august company one could hope for, the plushest hotels, comfortable transits, and the finest cuisines. And walking by Toni’s side as his proud wife, I couldn’t have desired anything more.
After we returned on 12 November, we got busy with planning the launch of Aashna’s first book. It was collection of poems titled In Search of a Title. It was published by Creative Crows, the publishing house owned by our friend Ganiv Panjarath who formed a strong bond with us since the NDC, She was the wife of Toni’s coursemate at the NDC, then Brigadier now Major General I.S. Panjarath. Aashna had written poems during the lockdown and Toni asked her to put them together so that he could get the book out before her seventeenth birthday.
He also wanted to plan our silver anniversary celebrations, but I didn’t want to do it in November. I told him that we should celebrate in January after Aashna completed her first set of the twelfth grade board exams (that year the Central Board of Secondary Education held the twelfth grade board exams in two phases; the first in December and the second in May-June.) In fact, I wanted the book launch also in January so that she wasn’t distracted. There was another reason, too. Toni would have stepped down from his position as the DA by then and would have more time. But, for some reason, he insisted on having the book launch in November. He said, ‘I won’t have time in January. I must do this now.’ It is almost as if an inner voice was guiding him to do this.
In hindsight, it gives me goosebumps to think how November unravelled for us. It was as if something was persuading him to complete these events. The book launch was scheduled for 27 November and our anniversary was on 24 November. We had agreed to have a big bash in January, but our family and friends insisted on being there in November. Some of them, such as my parents and his brother Raj and Reema Bhabhi from Canada were anyway going to be there in November. The others just decided to be there—Mehek from Pune, Kitty didi from Sanawar, our close friends such as Brigadier (now Major General) Anil Pundir and Smita, Major General and Mrs Natrajan from Mhow, Brigadier (now Major General) Vivek Tyagi and Manju from Dehradun, and Toni’s friends Amit and Sheenu, both doctors. Toni and Amit were classmates and had known each other for forty years. They had always kept in touch and harboured a deep love for one another. Amit had married Sheenu who was also his classmate. In this grouping of four members, Toni, Amit and Sheenu have always been closely connected, and I am the fourth one, always listening to their blast from the past. Over the past twenty-five years, I had also found a place in their hearts. Left with no choice, we decided to have a small party for about thirty-five people. I am so glad we did that because it turned out to be a fun-filled memorable evening, and we could cut the cake together.
The book release was a classy and enriching affair. It had a lively panel discussion, the speakers being illustrious people from various field. I am so proud of the way we did it. Toni was exultant, showing that it was like a dream come true for him. When I was planning it, he would say, ‘Geetu, don’t cut corners anywhere. It must be a lovely event. Only the best for our baby!
After the DA posting, we were looking forward to Toni’s command tenure as a General. His approval for the next rank of Major General had come in May 2021 and he was just waiting for his turn to take over the command of a division. The advantage of serving with the CDS was that Toni would have been given a posting of his choice. He was looking at an active field formation in Jammu & Kashmir and was most likely to get it as he was informed by the dealing authorities on 7 December that he would.
I was planning to quit my job and be with him when he took over the new command. Aashna was in twelfth grade, and by March could complete her board exams and thereafter join college. Now I would be free to join Toni wherever he moved. I would no longer be the lady staying in the separated family accommodation as I had been all these years. I was so looking forward to this new phase.
But then, my life had already been planned. Today, all I wish is that we had more time together.
I AM A SOLDIER’S WIFE: THE LIFE AND LOVE OF TONI LIDDER
Geetika Lidder
Roli Books, Pg 207, Rs 595